I, seeking greater enlightenment, embarked on a journey.
I had a guide with me who was there to be there with me to help me through the experience and who was able to write my thoughts and insights as I verbally expressed them. My trip was not what I was expecting. I was anticipating that I would put on my headphones and experience music on an entirely new level.
Instead, I experienced trees.
As the mushrooms started to take effect, I felt the need to walk around the neighborhood. I didn’t have any particular objective, I just wanted to get out for a while.
I was feeling a bit light in the head and I figured the mushrooms must be hitting my system, but otherwise, everything seemed to be normal.
Everything was normal at least until the moment I looked at a tree and was surprised at how much detail was there. I remarked that the tree was “very pointy”. By that, I meant that I could see in such high resolution that I was suddenly aware of every point on every leaf. It was as though it would be prickly if I were to reach out and touch it.
I took off the sunglasses I was wearing, thinking maybe they were doing something funky to my perception, but it was the same. I could the appeal in staying in one spot and studying the tree for a while (although I made a conscious effort to keep moving so as to not weird anyone out). It struck me that trees could always be this interesting if we could just stop and be present and aware.
I looked across the street and noticed a short, droopy tree in a yard that struck me as being akin to an “old man”. It seemed to me that it could just as well have a long white beard. It seemed very wise to me and as I got closer to it to get a better look I had the impression that it probably had wisdom to impart if only it could talk (I didn’t take that many mushrooms).
I continued on and found a tree that “I couldn’t quite get a read on”. It seemed trees were similar to people that way: sometimes you just can’t quite figure them out.
The next tree I looked at didn’t have any leaves. At first, I felt sorry for it because it looked like it was unhealthy. But then I wondered if it was just not the season for this tree, that it was a “late bloomer”. Almost immediately I was embarrassed for my initial judgemental reaction of assuming it was unhealthy.
Realizing I couldn’t know exactly what was going on with this tree, all I could do was feel compassion for it no matter what its circumstances are. Before moving on, I said, “I just want what’s best for you, little tree”.
At some point, I came to a spot where I could see all the houses on the street and there was so much color everywhere that was screaming for my attention and overwhelming beauty everywhere I looked. I sat for a few minutes and just looked and pondered and I had a flood of insight, which I can only give a brief glimpse of here.
One example is that while I had heard that some people in this state can study a tree for an hour and be content with that, I had the realization that I didn’t want to do that; I wanted to see everything in the neighborhood. “That’s my life”. This is when I realized that I’m a “roamer”, a little bit obsessed with seeing and experiencing as much as I can which is perhaps why I have trouble sticking to just one pursuit or project.
In a similar vein, I began to ponder the idea of some people being “cultivators” of art and beautiful things vs having the ability to observe and describe. I relayed all these while my guide attempted to transcribe the words that were tumbling out of me.
I continued to walk and passed by some beautiful trees in a beautiful, well-kept yard. Just as I was reaching the edge of the yard, I suddenly saw a dead sickly tree tucked away behind a big beautiful tree. The profundity of this discovery stopped me right in my tracks as I exclaimed “whoa!”.
After the initial shock, two possibilities of the meaning of this came to me. Firstly, everyone has a “tree” like this that may not be obvious at first glance and secondly, we should do better to keep our eyes open for trees (or people) like this that need help and attention. “This poor tree is hidden back here and no one sees it”.
After some pondering on this, I moved on and found a good-looking tree that didn’t seem to have any issues. “Rock on brother, but you’ll have struggles. We all have struggles”.
I noticed some plants that seem to be growing too close together and crowding each other. It occurred to me that you can plant things that seem to be a good spot, but even still they grow in unexpected ways. This seemed to be the perfect analogy for parenting.
I found an old tree that appeared to have some dead patches. “That’s not trauma, just old age. That’s how I want to go - like that tree”.
I found a tree that was very vibrant and green and it struck me as a happy tree that is youthful, present, and simply enjoying the moment to the fullest.
I noticed some birds sitting in another tree and thought that the tree must be enjoying having the company. I wonder if some people are more predispositioned like this (and perhaps that’s why they have lots of kids).
I noticed another young healthy tree and how beautiful it was. I wanted to appreciate this moment because it occurred to me that this tree would grow quickly and wouldn’t stay young and small for very long. It hit me like a lead weight that this is like my 3-year-old son. As I expressed this out loud my voice caught and I couldn’t talk anymore as tears came to my eyes. I was too emotional to speak and I continued to walk in silence.
I soon walked home and sat in the backyard and basked in the bright glow of the many shades of green from the garden and from the grass. Another flood of insight came.
One of the most notable insights I had was imagining myself as an old man about to expire from this life and how I will feel at that moment. It was clear to me right then how I want to feel and I began to ponder what I can do now so that I will be able to achieve that.
The experiences I collect in my roaming now are to serve to cultivate a garden of many experiences that will ultimately serve to lead to something I am proud of and happy with at the end of my life.
It might go without saying but I had many more personal insights that I can’t reasonably relay here.
In the days following, I saw nature in a new way. I noticed details and was aware of the beauty at what seemed to be a higher level than I have before. I’ve regained to some extent of childlike awe and wonder at the world.
It’s too early to say for sure but right now my experience with psybicilin mushrooms seems like a seismic event in my life. I’m grateful I’ve had the opportunity to go on such a beautiful, life-changing journey.